LET'S WALK DOWN A PAINFUL MEMORY LANE on Thursday, June 02, 2011 , 02:50

I found the phone I used back in 2008 and looking at the contents of the phone brings back so much bitter sweet memories. It's like a storybook in there. It tells about the start of my November Miracle, it also tells about the downfall of that Miracle and of course, it tells about the end of it. However, that phone also reminds me just how much My Bro has been there for me through whatever and I've always appreciated him for that. & I know I can never find any other friend, brother like him out there because he looks out for me like a brother and is always there for me like a true friend :) The phone also tells about such ridiculous, lame friends I have :D That phone is amazing, it holds so much of my secondary school memories, especially the last year of it.

When I looked back at the phone, I had only 1 intention and that was to delete everything related to the November Miracle. But, as I was looking through it all, I had second thoughts because what I would be deleting, are things I can never get back even if I had a million dollars (i guess =/ haha) So until now, I still kept it.

& then recently I just read this on her blog, "If someone's taken, they're taken. Don't try and ruin their relationship just because you want them." & I couldn't help but to stop, and think for a while. & in my heart, it whispered "I wished you knew about this then." But hey! It's all over!

I cannot get over how your story doesn't even match her story. I cannot get over how your story doesn't match the timeline you told me. I cannot get over how you acted all big and mature when talking to me. I cannot get over the hurt I felt after reading everything about the 2 of you. & what I cannot forget the most is you told me you still loved me but at that time, you were already with her. & you know, out of all the feelings you indirectly put me through, you know what killed me the most? You not having enough trust in me.

You know what? It hurts. It hurts so much. & I've been acting all cool, keeping it all in but it hurts so damn much. You wouldn't know how it feels cause what do you know? YOU were the cause of this hurt!

You know what? Yes! I acknowledge my mistake, for suddenly going MIA on you, not telling you anything or not letting you hear from me for a month. & I'm going to tell the both of you YOUR mistakes! Your mistake is not trusting me enough, so what if I went MIA for a month. SO FREAKING WHAT!? You couldn't get news of me, so did all of my friends alright!? Couldn't you think? I wasn't intentionally avoiding you, you dumbfreak! If I was intentionally avoiding you, shouldn't my friends know what I'm up to then? So? What did you do? You went to her!? You moved to her and started a freaking relationship with her!? Changing gifts and all!? SO WHAT WAS I THEN HUH!? Oh right, when all this happened, while you were sending her home after school, while you received gifts from her, you told me you wanted to focus on your studies but you ended with you still loved me. YA RIGHT!! HOW IS BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FOCUSING ON YOUR STUDIES HUH!?!?!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU TELL ME YOU STILL LOVED ME WHILE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE!?

& you! You know what your problem is? You clearly knew about my relationship with him, YOU KNEW! So why did you go along with it? You could even tell me you weren't happy while being with him but there were still happy times with him. HELLO!? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!?

& you know what's the joke in all this? The guy tells me the girl confessed to him whereas the girl tells me the guy confessed to her. Now what? Did the both of you team up to make a fool out of me? You know what, you succeeded!

You see, this is what happens if you keep this in for far too long, all this feelings will come up years later. I'm well over it all but to feel emotionally healthy, I have to let this out!

*breathes in* I guess I'm done. This penned up feelings are finally let out! C: Been keeping it in since it all happened. I tried to be mature and rational then, but now that it's all over, WHO FREAKING CARES? :D

aihana cheryl.b cheryl.c diana erra kassey mimsy mira shyuks wan weiping

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